so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
