I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
