fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
