I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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