yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
