im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
