We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize