I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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