i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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