More tranny stories later!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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