You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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