So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
