I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
