alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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