Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
