I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
