...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
