I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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