Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
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