let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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