She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
