My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize