i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I AM VODKA MAN
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
