Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
