btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
