So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
