You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
