It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My legs feel like baby dolphins
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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