there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
