Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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