mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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