he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
