I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
