its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
