69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
