I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
