he thought i was a dude.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
