i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
