Pants 0. Shit 1.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
