My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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