He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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