I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
that's an acceptable place to lick
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
