she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
