Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
