I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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