Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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