you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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