whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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