ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
