Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
