I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
