oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you will always have a special place in my vag
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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