ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize
