Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
