i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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