He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
