you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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