i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
