All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize