Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
