Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
