I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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