"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
