I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
