We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
