You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
