Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
