You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
