ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
