i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
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