Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She bit a glass in half.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
