I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She said her name was "party"
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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