Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
